MOVING AWAY: ….a bit farther this time

again???

So many changes have been happening this summer. Things that I have felt like we had been talking about forever but now it is actually hitting us over the head. Holy crap I am moving to Europe.

One of the reasons I had chosen the college I did was because of their study abroad programs. I knew that I wanted to go but as long as it meant getting out of the US I did not care where I was going. I knew that I wanted to travel the world someday and it has been something that I have never shut up about since I saw my first Indy Blue Youtube video. I have never out loud really said that I wanted someones life….but I wanted hers. Badly.

We always say we are going to do something or that we will “get to it someday” but I refused to let that happen to me. If I wanted to hike through the jungle or swim with sharks I was going to freaking do it.

I have always been so intrigued and fascinated by the way that people live, what their traditions looked like, experiencing different cultures, and learning absolutely everything I could about the new place I was in. My first out of the country trip to Jamaica reignited the spark that I had in me with the willingness to travel. Getting to study abroad this semester has been a dream come true but in the way of gaining new perspectives and really letting go of all of the crap (yeah I’ll say it) that has happened the last year. Leaving a place behind was something that I don’t regret doing. Even if it meant not coming back. Which yeah….stuff happens and you wanna leave? Do it. My life my rules right? Sometimes you have to make it all about you. Where does peace truly present itself in my life?

Coming together with people from all parts of the country and getting to experience these firsts with them is definitely going to be a wild concept to grasp but non the less something that I am definitely ready for. That is literally why we exist. To connect with different souls through different experiences.

I have always loved to capture memories and thoughts and I have always constantly been racing with my mind ever since I was younger. I talk too much, I overshare terribly, and I am so indecisive that I myself can’t even predict what I will do next. I have always said that no matter what I post or write on any outlet it is just for me. No one could read this and trust I would be content with it. With cameras I just loved being able to catch a moment and being able to share it with the people around me. It made me happy that they loved it or that they could also have the memory that I was able to capture for them.

Creating documentary style films also was something that I knew I wanted to get more passionate about as I made my way through film school. Indy Blue was always a role model of mine but what I admired most was her ability to capture things and moments in real time. I also had loved being able to do that and I knew it was something I wanted to experience anywhere I could. I just hadn’t taken the leap yet.

Finding yourself is always such a weird concept and I had always thought it was strange. We are told what to be and others have this narrative of us but somehow we have to ignore all of that and find ourselves in the process? Yeah ok.

But the more that I have started preparing for this trip as I am now 5 days out I know that is exactly what I am able to do. I am pretty sure of who I am now and who I want to be but truly finding the bits of passion and pursuit is what I think is next for me. The thing about confidence is that no one knows if it is real or not. So screw it.