STUDY ABROAD: not what it seems?
Studying abroad was something I had talked about for years. It was actually one of the main reasons I chose UNC Wilmington, as their study abroad program was so large. I had always felt drawn to Europe as my heritage lies in Germany, Italy, and Ireland. Italy was a place I had been the most drawn to, though, as it had everything from the city to the water, which I loved equally. I wanted to be able to travel wherever I wanted and gain independence that I never had before. With that being said, we really don’t talk about certain aspects of studying abroad that we don’t think about. I had been living away from home for the last 3 years as I went away to college and stayed in dorms as well as a house. I was also used to being away from my parents the last few years as my dad was living in Wisconsin while we were in North Carolina. Most, if not all, of my extended family members also lived in Florida as well so I have been used to being away from others.
When I got to Italy I was blessed to adapt fairly quickly. I just got used to the language barrier catching onto quick phrases and maneuvering my way around ordering food, basic greetings, and speaking to taxi drivers. I caught onto gestures and the way of life. I did not really miss home too much as I was so excited to be in a new place and experiencing different things. Although I was doing okay, I had noticed many of my roommates having intense homesickness that took them weeks to recover from. They were regretting their decisions instantly. I tried to be as helpful and supportive as I could even though I was not totally dealing with the same thoughts or emotions.
Until I broke my foot. The feelings of intense fear and isolation were indescribable. You never expect something like that to happen let alone when you are across the world from your family. If my mom was not able to come visit I don’t know what I would’ve done. I did not think I was going to be able to keep going. I had only been there a week and I still did not understand the city or my way around. One thing that kept me going was my roommates. One thing about studying abroad is the consistent need for support. You find yourself latching onto the people around you because they are the only people who understand what you are going through. When I broke my foot I had only known these people in person for a week. The instant love and support they showed me was life changing but also I do recognize that some may not have this. Everyone is going through the same thing but adjusting to it in their own way. Some adapting quicker than others but there is a common understanding of respect and care.
The feelings of missing out or watching your friends from back home can be quite overwhelming. Feeling anxious missing birthdays or big celebrations. Feeling forgotten or not prioritized is something that has happened to us all. The time difference being quite difficult especially with parents intense work schedules. Seeing other parts of the world and wishing the people closest to you were standing next to you experiencing them as well. Feeling ill and wishing your mom was taking care of you. Not being able to watch your dads hockey games because it is too late for you. Feeling guilty for complaining because how could you? This is an experience of a lifetime! So many people are not able to do this and I am blessed to be able to do so. But it is okay. It is okay to cry and be homesick. Or complain because you miss your dog. Feel sad because you want Chipotle.
One thing we forget about when we study abroad is taking care of our mental health. Taking the time out for ourselves. These feelings of lonliness or not feeling like you belong in this city can be extremely overwhelming and saddening. You find a constant need to be around people, and when you aren’t it can be a feeling of fear that you are not used too. We are so comfortable in our college towns doing the same thing everyday. It is something to be recognized for many. It is okay to be scared and unsure of yourself. Leaving your country and throwing yourself into a new culture with new people is not only terrifying but it is brave. All of a sudden it sets in and you realize you cannot just come home. These feelings are completely normal and it does not mean you are not grateful for the experience.
Expressing your thoughts whether that be out loud or in a journal, exploring new places by yourself, putting yourself out there the best you can…even when anxiety inducing, failing and trying again, acknowledging that you are doing the best you possibly can, and not taking these days for granted because suddenly you will blink and it will all be over.
I have felt these feelings and I understand. Your feelings are completely valid and can be so incredibly isolating. You are not ungrateful, you are evolving. The person that came into this experience will not be the person leaving it. And that is admirable. I admire your bravery. Take care of yourself and remember this experience is about who you are and who you want to become.
